Don’t make me hate you Cyclocross!!
Because your certainly doing it the right way! The race on Sunday, for me, was horrendous! An embarrassment beyond belief!!
Three weeks of hard training and this was the last day. I felt like a truck had run me over… then reversed over me again. The bottom line is I was in no state to race. But, this was a 'training race' so the result wasn't important – the focus was getting a quality race effort, it was about the effort. I have realised there is something fundamentally wrong with a 'training race' in my mind – I race to win, getting training out of it is just part of racing. Usually, in a race, I am fighting for position, not fighting to survive…
The day before I was already pretty tired but, I pushed further into the red when because I had a training day with the junior boys. These training days are great because the boys push me a lot but, on Saturday, I couldn't even keep up with them to get the benefit – this was warning sign number 1. That night I set my alarm and went to bed, got a text, thought it was the alarm so jumped up because I thought I was late – Warning sign number 2, clearly I was losing my mind. Then, I turned up to the race with no shoes… Yeah, I probably should have just stopped while I was ahead!! But no, I've got this annoying persistence which is like a sat nav when you turn the wrong way 'make a U turn… make a U turn…' except it is 'Get on with it…Get on with it… Get on with it… Just MTFU and get on with it!!'
So there I was on the start line: '45ish minutes of pain then you get to go to the hub for CAKE' food has a ridiculous hold on me. BAM, we were off! I got a good start and was right up there in second then into third… from that point on I have no idea what happened. I just went backwards. My legs, my body, my mind – it was all mush. Towards the end I could barely push up the banks I had no strength in my arms or back anymore, let alone my legs. I knew if I was feeling normal, because this was not a normal, then I would probably have enjoyed the course! It was pretty fast, and I like going fast.
So, 2 or 3 laps to go and I was over it, I wanted to go home. I wanted the pain to stop. I wanted to lie on the ground, curl up in a ball and hibernate for a while, a long while. To keep going was a battle of my will. I so so so wanted to stop; my performance was just an embarrassment… I was giving all but getting nothing back, it would be easier to just stop but, every time I thought that I got smacked with 'find a way to keep going, you MUST finish… do you want CAKE??' ARGH. I hate this persistence quality and my love affair with cake… it's going to get me in trouble one day. I was in quite a state, my body shouting NO, but my mind forcing me to push through. It was horrendous because it wasn't even working!! I had fought for third but slipped to fourth… then when fifth passed me I nearly passed out!
I managed to hold 5th, just. I can say that, if I ever feel like that again, I will NOT be racing. The mental strain is just too much never mind the body exhaustion! But, I got my Cake. That was the main thing:
The pain and suffering may not seem worth it now, but hopefully when I'm standing on the podium in the summer it will be for sure!
Thank you to Anna McGorum for letting me borrow her shoes!! Anna is half my age but has the same size feet! Thanks to my Dad for taking me and buying me cake and to Lucy Grant and Anne Murray for cheering me up after :) Well done to all the ladies, great to see such a big field!
Next week is the Scottish Cyclocross Champs!! That will be a race to RACE ;)
Win tin ton
p.s. sorry for the lack of photo's!
Posted by Morvélo
